The alternative revealing first interview of Paul Trollope - Cardiff City's new boss

New and old
New City boss Paul Trollope with former manager  Russel Slade
Courtesy of talksport

This afternoon, Wales Online published what it called "The full revealing transcript of Paul Trollope's first interview as Cardiff City boss". Having read this, I think it's neither full, nor revealing. In fact, it seems to me that this is a bunch of tired old football cliches, and answers that you would absolutely expect from a new manager - after all, we've all heard most of these answers every time a new manager is unveiled anywhere in the world.

And for the record. This isn't a dig at Paul Trollope. It's a dig at the way this story is reported. I mean, is there really any revealing substance here? Really? 

• I'm pleased to have the opportunity (well I'm glad he's not pleased about it)
• It's a challenge (No, really?)
• I will look to add (name me a new manager who hasn't said that)
• I'm a football man (thank God for that)
• I'm passionate about the game (thank God again)
• I've got a good work ethic (that'll help)
• I'm not going to compare myself to Russell (no, he's *cough* larger and got no hair)
• The fans have their views (yes we do)
• I look forward to building a positive relationship with him (the owner.....until it all goes pear shaped as it inevitably will unless you're Arsene Wenger or Alex Ferguson)
• Progress = play-offs or hopefully promotion. (no-one's going to say anything different are they?  Let's face it, he's not going to say "Mid-table mediocrity would be just fine by VT")
• We have to create positivity and belief (good, but hardly revealing) 
• We have to strengthen but I'm not telling you where. We need to add quality. (yes we do)
• I want to play progressive football (but I'm not telling you what that looks like because you'll hang me out to dry when we can't do it)
• We need to find a way to win, that is important (ah, that's the revealing bit...no I'm joking. Bloody obvious statement of the interview)

I therefore offer there, and alternative version of my imagined responses by Paul Trollope to those same questions that came to my mind whilst I was reading this. It's obviously tongue in cheek, and I hope no-one, not least Paul Trollope should he ever sink low enough to read this blog would take offence. 

Congratulations Paul. You're now the man in charge

PT: Thanks. Never saw it coming to be honest. I mean, who'd want to be the boss of this outfit? You're on a loser from the start, but the missus said she wanted an increase in her housekeeping.

It can be seen as the start of a new era, but with Russell Slade head of football and now you being confirmed it's the same faces.

Absolutely. We've just moved the labels. Russell is still the man, I'm just the front. I'm looking to bring some new staff in, add my own stamp to the club. The last cleaner we had was terrible.

Can you talk us through got process? Have discussions been going on very long?

We've been talking for months. No idea have come out of it, we just rabbit aimlessly. The Chairman said we need to give them something, do you fancy a go, it can't be as bad as it's been. Look, I'm not a football man, I'm just trying to earn a crumb. People said opportunities like this don't come round very often, but they do here. Malky, Ole, Russell and now me in the space of a couple of years. You can't say the club isn't full of opportunities.

But you would have seen the struggles that Russell faced in getting the fans support from the start. Perhaps there were some looking for a big name appointment - where can you improve on where Russell perhaps failed in that regard?

Are you saying I'm not a big name appointment? Are you? Do you know how much that hurts? I'm, as good as Neil Warnock, Roberto Di Matteo, Jose Mourinho. You'll see. The only problem I can see is when the fans shout "Do the Ayatollah Paul". I could do with an extra syllable in my name couldn't I?

Have you spoken to Vincent Tan?

I'm not allowed to say his name. We must all call him "The Owner".  I have had a number of constructive conversations with him, and he's told me get promoted or you're out. Oh, and can we shoot even more, because shooting a lot isn't working.

Did you ask him if there's money to spend?

Look, he gives me an allowance every week. What I spend it on is up to me within reason, although the prices they charge for chips and a beer in CCS are outrageous. Have you seen the cost of half a cup of hot water with a teabag in it?

Have you been set any targets?

Be in the Premier league by Christmas. I told him it's a marathon not a sprint. I don't think he gets that.

Do you know where you'd like to strengthen the squad?

All over. People say we need a striker, but frankly I think we need a few more defenders and about 6 reserve 'keepers. Strikers are over-rated.  It's getting people to come to South Wales is the problem. I mean, I know they're planning to cut bridge tolls, but these footballers are on the breadline.

What can Cardiff fans expect from you? What does a Paul Trollope team look like?

Well, it'll probably be 11 men on the pitch. Oh and they'll wear football kit and luminous boots. I like those.  I like to play progressive football as I said, so a bit of passing and if we have to shoot then so be it. 

For all that, I wish Paul Trollope well. He wasn't my choice for a new boss, but he's in now, so let's back him.